Habitat for Humanity -- Select Studs

Lowe's is advertising stud-length lumber at $1.97 apiece. (We experienced carpenters just call them "sticks.") The pieces of lumber are said to be 2 feet by 4 feet by 96 inches and made of SPF. And they're said to be select studs.

Note to reader: In construction terms, a stud is a vertical piece of lumber that, along with its mates to the right and left, forms the skeleton of a wall. "Two by four" studs are typically spaced 16 inches apart, and they're nailed top and bottom to longer pieces of 2 by 4 (called plate) that run horizontally. The purposes of the resulting stud wall are (1) to provide a place to install the sheathing such as plywood on the outside, (2) to provide a place to install the wall surface such as Sheetrock on the inside, and (3) mainly to support the weight of the roof and any other floors above.

It's the line just above the bullets -- 2' x 4' x 96" SPF Stud -- that intrigued me, so I called the Lowe's nearest me. Here are the four conversations I had.

Me: These studs for $1.97 each, are they really 2 feet by 4 feet?

Colin (in the lumber department): That might be a typo. I think it should be inches.

Note to reader: If Colin's uncertainty proved to be unjustified, just one of these select studs would contain 64 cubic feet of lumber and weigh roughly as much as over one red Miata. That's enough wood to make over 225 standard-length (92-5/8 inches) studs, enough for a wall 300 feet long. All for $1.97.

Me: And these studs are really 96 inches long?

Colin: Well, studs are 92-5/8 inches.

Me: So why does the ad say 96 inches?

Colin: Isn't that close enough?

Next I spoke to Jeremiah in the lumber department.

Jeremiah: No, they're not 2 feet by 4 feet. Or if there is we don't sell it. The studs actually measure out to 2 inches by 4 inches.

Note to reader: The studs most certainly do not "actually measure out to 2 inches by 4 inches." What everyone calls a "two by four" is actually 1-1/2 inches thick by 3-1/2 inches wide. Decades ago a two by four was cut so that when dried and sold it actually did measure 2 inches by 4 inches, but such lumber was not finished, it was what is called "rough-cut." When builders demanded sticks with smooth faces, lumber mills started with actual 2 by 4s and sanded off a quarter-inch from each of the two faces and each of the two edges, and the result, of course, is a stick that measures 1-1/2 inches by 3-1/2 inches. These pieces of lumber are graded S4S, which means "surfaced four sides." Nowadays mills start with a smaller piece, but after sanding it's still 1-1/2 by 3-1/2 inches actual.

You literally cannot find an actual 2 by 4 at any lumber yard, so if you want to see one you'll need to examine older buildings. Here's what to look for: (1) It'll have a rough rather than smooth finish, and you'll probably be able to see the arcs made by the cuts of the ginormous circular saw; (2) the four corners formed at the intersection of an edge and a face are not slightly rounded off; and (3) it will actually measure out to -- guess what? -- 2 inches by 4 inches.

Me: So if I were to measure the edge and the face with a tape measure, they'd be exactly 2 inches by 4 inches?

Jeremiah (confidently): Yep. That's what "two by four" means.

Me: OK, what does that "SPF" mean?

Jeremiah (after a pause): Standard pine.

Then I talked to a Dennis, also a lumberman.

Dennis: I'm measuring one now, and it's 1-3/4 inches by 3-3/4 inches.

Note to reader, in case you didn't read the previous Note to reader: Dennis should not be trusted to read a tape measure to within a quarter of an inch, which seems like a significant disadvantage to the customers of a guy who works in the lumber department. Furthermore, no one familiar with studs would even bother to measure a two by four because, as I say, they're always 1-1/2 inches by 3-1/2 inches.

A lot depends on studs and all other dimensional lumber being the right size, and if a lumber yard did sell two by fours that measured 1-3/4 inches by 3-3/4 inches, it would be besieged within hours by a mob of angry carpenters wielding framing hammers.

Me: What does "SPF" mean?

Dennis: Sanded pine finish.

Finally I spoke to Shawn, also in the lumber department.

Shawn: I'm measuring now, and these are 1-5/8 inches by 3-1/2 inches.

Me: Now, what does "SPF" stand for?

Shawn (without hesitation): Superior fir.

Note to reader: "SPF" here does not stand for "Standard pine" or "Sanded pine finish" or "Superior fir" (or, for that matter, "Sun Protection Factor"). It stands for "Spruce Pine Fir," because as it turns out studs and plate can safely be made of any of those three types of tree and still cut and nail and even look the same.

Last damn note to reader: I have been unable to determine exactly why a standard stud is 92-5/8 inches long. If you know, please .

Update of February 15, 2004: Apparently Lowe's isn't the only large, well-known home improvement center and lumberyard to offer grossly oversized studs. I don't have any funny questions and answers about this one.

I will add that a few minutes after I took my photos of this sign the kindly manager of this Home Depot store accosted me to ask why. When I asked why he wanted to know, he said photography was a "violation of corporate policy." My first thought was that it wasn't a violation of my policy, but what I said was that I thought the sign was funny. He went to take a look, and when he returned he had no idea why I thought the sign was funny, and he never asked. (This lack of curiosity, which I've encountered in many similar situations, is utterly inexplicable to me.)

Anyway, if you managed a store that sold 37 budillion feet of lumber each year, wouldn't you know, and care about, the difference between feet and inches?